Nothing's Ever Right

If it's not one thing, it's another. It's March and I haven't found anything to replace H & R yet.

I found myself in the emergency room recently. I couldn't breathe. I was having alot of pain, in my upper back which was making it very difficult to breathe. On top of that, I was nauseaous and vomiting. And there comes a point when you're suffering so badly, part of you wants to die and be done with it. Don't get me wrong here, I don't want to die. I often complain about breathing, but I actually like to do it. But not when it hurts.

So, they take xays, take blood and give me an IV because I'm dehydrated from vomiting. My xrays come back clear, nothing wrong there. My blood work comes back normal, which isn't normal for me because I have a hereditary condition from my father. I'm almost always look like I'm suffering from iron defeciency anemia. Anyway, they can't find what's wrong, which is frustrating for me because this has happened before and no one can tell me why it's happening or how to keep it from happening again.

Finally, they bring in this chalky liquid for me to drink that taste like sewage. I had to fight my own gag reflex to get the whole ounce drank. But I had almost instantanious relief. Doctor comes in and tells me I have an acid reflux problem. That the attack I was suffering from was brouht on by acid reflux. It could be triggered by certain foods and stress. The food stuff I had already figured out on my own and I hadn't eaten anything I know would make me sick.

So, them he ask me about my stress. Do I have a normal stress level? And the answer is: HELLL NOO!!! I mean, come on, I'm a single mother of two special needs children. I spent the last year without work and I'm a workaholic. Do you know what happens to a workaholic when they don't have work to do? Look at some of my first blogs, it aint pretty.

So basically this doctor, who by the way was a nice guy, tells me I need to reduce my stress. I still have yet to figure out how I'm supposed to do this. I live with my number one stressor, my daughter, who is currently a teenager and she's not a pleasant one. She's been suspended twice so far this school year. Anybody got a magic wand that will fix my kids? Anybody got a way to get me my Betty back? Anybody got a way to keep me employed? My Bachelor's Degree sure aint doing it, and honest work, nothing illegal. Anybody know where I can find a good husband? I hate sleeping alone. And don't tell me to go to church, I go every Sunday and all the good men there are already married.

So, I guess what it boils down to is somedays I just feel like: Life's a Bitch, so why can't I die? And that's not an invitation for any nutjobs out there. Nutjobs stay away. I have enough loopy relatives to deal with. I guess I just wish my life was a little more pleasant. Less stressful would definitely be good.