My son turned 31 two days ago and I haven't seen him in over ten years now. I miss him terribly and worry for him constantly. My daughter is under the same roof as myself, but I worry for her constantly. My biggest worry is trying to ensure neither will be homeless after I'm gone and that the home that they have after I'm gone is a safe one.
Learned a couple of weeks ago that my father is seriously ill. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and just learned a couple of day ago it's stage 3. He's 72 and he's beat the odds in life a lot of times. He has lived and isn't afraid to die. He wasn't the best father, but I love him. I haven't seen him in over ten years and most of the things I may be mad at him about seem trivial now. All I want for him to know right now is that I still love him, that I will always love him.
He wasn't around much when I was growing up and I wish he had been there more, mostly to keep my mother from beating me because she had a violent temper. I cried for him and she would mock me that he wasn't coming. I threatened to tell daddy more than once about her beatings. But I was always just so happy to see him when he made it for a visit that I never remembered to tell.
My sister Reneta wants us all to make it to South Carolina to see Dad and each other. It's been more than ten years since I've seen anyone except my daughter. And the only reason I see her everyday is she lives with me. The other day Cherokee forbid me from dying. She knows that's not how it works, but hey, can't blame her for trying.
As for going to see Dad and everyone else, I want to very badly. But my arch enemy the monetary system instituted and perpetuated by greedy ass people is totally in my way. My stomach is in knots and I've been up all night. Up all night isn't unusual for me, but the knotted stomach is driving me up a wall.
Would love to visit a doctor about some of the things that are troubling me, but I currently have no health coverage. You have a right to an attorney and if you can't afford one, one will be appointed to you free of charge. But you don't have a right to health care in this country. If you can't afford a doctor, no one's going to appoint one to you, you gonna die.
Of course, no matter what we're all headed there anyway. Still, most of us would prefer to put it off as long as possible. But until it's my time I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep pushing forward no matter how hard the world keeps trying to push me backward.
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