Ready to Runaway

I shared with a coworker today my desire to get away from it all. I explained that everywhere I have lived there has never been a shortage of people who hate me and after I had children, them too, for things that are entirely beyond my control.
I am an interracial person and it has always meant that there are people who hate me because of my unique genetic make-up. My father is black and Native American and my mother is white and Native American. I did not choose this and cannot change it. And I would not change it if I could. I like the unique individual I see in the mirror everyday. She is a hard worker and loving devoted mother. She'd love to be a loving devoted wife, but finding a man smart enough to marry me seems impossible.
Growing up in Ohio, I mostly dealt with whites who didn't want the little brown girl around. Much of it was my mother's family who despite not being lily white saw themselves as better than me and my younger brother because they're not part black and fair enough to pass for white. It's sad that my younger brother and I grew up as Sheila's nigger kids and weren't invited to any family functions for that side of our family nearly our whole lives.
After moving to South Carolina, I had to deal with not being black enough. I got called a "damn mixed Yankee girl." I had two strikes against me. I wasn't black enough and I came from up North. I can't fix it and I don't want to fix it. It's not a problem for me personally. It's their personal problem. What did bother me was that every day was beat up the white boy day and my precious son who would never harm another human being had to run home from the bus everyday to keep from being beaten up by the other black boys. My son is a special need individual and couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. And he wouldn't harm another person even if he could. He is nothing but kind, loving and accepting of all individual no matter how different from himself. Girls on my daughter's school bus poured vinegar over my precious baby girl's head. She's a special need individual also, but much higher functioning than her older brother. Like her brother, she is a very sweet soul who is very kind and loving.
The stupidest part of it all is there is only one race of people on this planet, the human race. Geography may have caused some genetic mutations that have caused some skin and hair variations but we are all human with the same exact basic needs.
Here in Utah my biggest problem is I can't get the religion thing right. I have learned the hard way that there are those who are Mormon and those who are Latter Day Saints. There are clicks at church just like in high school. I didn't belong to a click in high school. And I am for damn sure not going to be part of one at church. And there's this thing about dressing your best for church that doesn't make any sense to me. God if you believe in such a Being brought you into this world naked and is not worried about what you wear to church on Sunday. It is not a fashion show and should not be treated as such.
St. Matthew 19, verse 24, Jesus said: "And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
I take great comfort in knowing Donald Trump will never set foot in the Celestial Kingdom. I know that's awful of me, but I'm being honest. I don't expect such a thing for myself either, but for other reasons. I'm a realist and I have become too pessimistic. I still try to do what Jesus would do, but sometimes I fall short because I sometimes let the stupidity of others get on my nerves and irritate me. I try to always be kind. But as I get older, the more likely my mouth will spill out what my brain is thinking. And my brain is thinking Jesus would not label me a transient that isn't worth the church's time and energy because I don't own a home in the ward. My daughter thinks Jesus would really like me. He often hung out with individuals the rest of society had labeled worthless or as lost causes, different from what society believes they should be. Jesus is cool with different.
I find myself ready to runaway from it all. I'm tired of dealing with bigots of one kind or another. I long for a massive amount of land in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors to break into my apartment to steal my ladder and baseball bat, where my children will be safe from bullies and other hateful people. I need a respite from society and all its nonsensical bullshit that doesn't mean anything.
Anyone got about $500,000 laying around they could give me? Will be put to good use providing a good home for my special needs children.
If I have offended you, I do not apologize and I am not sorry in any way shape or form. If you are offend by anything I have said here, you have a personal problem and need to take a good long hard look at yourself because I have been nothing but honest. I am not a bakery and it is not my job to sugar coat things.