My Therapy

For me writing is a form of therapy. Sometimes it's just a way to vent and get things off my chest without yelling or fussing at anyone. But mostly it's how I escape this world. I can go where ever I want to go. Be whoever I want to be. It's all up to me.

I just finished typing up a short story I call Crotchety. But it's still a little too long for posting on here, but it feels good to know it's finally typed up. I need that dragon program where you speak to the computer and it types for you. When I write, I write by hand with an actual paper and pencil in cursive. Imagine that. But once I've finished writing a story, it needs to be typed up. Between the writing of the story and the typing it up it's not a fast process, but it is a satisfying process.

But Crotchety is typed up. It's part of a set of related short stories I have that go together. It takes place in the future as do all the other short stories that go with it. I guess if I ever get them published as a book I would like to call it White Cities and Small Villages. I think Peony's posted on here some where. I felt she was short enough to be posted. A word of caution though, Peony doesn't have the happiest of endings. My daughter, Cherokee, finds stories with sad endings infuriating. But not everyone's story has a happy ending. Just because one's story doesn't end happily doesn't mean it shouldn't be told. Sometimes the sad ones need to be told the most.

I am Not at Fault for My Discharge From Work

Deep breath... Coming out of panic mode from losing my job. Going from: OMG! I was fired & I'll be homeless in 2 months! to: Calming down and able to make a plan phase. Going to: Alright, I lost my job. But I have a lot of skills, I'll find another job. I hated it there anyway and it's really their loss.

I think it helps that I got a letter from Utah Department of Workforce Services yesterday. It made me feel so much better. The first line of the paragraph reads: "Based upon information presented to this Department, it is determined that you were not at fault in your discharge from work." Bam!

That letter lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I should probably be showing it to an attorney. It doesn't get me my job back, and I don't want it back anyway. I was having a lot of problems with insomnia for a couple of years, but the past few nights I've been sleeping through the night. It's amazing.

Now I have an official letter from a government source that basically states I was wrongly fired and that I can take with me to job interviews. I just need to get someone to interview me. No one seems to want to grant an interview to someone that was fired. Got to figure out how to put a positive spin on it my resume.

God Hates Me

I have come to the conclusion that if there is a God, he hates me. And if he exist, he is most definitely a man. No woman, no mother, in her right mind would sit back and just watch her child drown like I am. I shouldn't be freaking out because I had to buy groceries, but I am. I have to watch every little penny because I have no income coming in. I found myself sitting in my Exploder crying because I spent $100 on groceries. No one should be crying over buying groceries. And the likelihood I'll be approved for unemployment is between slim and none because I was fired.
Then after I got back home my laptop decided to go crazy. I can't spend money on repairing or fixing this thing. And I need the damn thing for job hunting. I miss the good old days where you went in introduced yourself and filled out a paper application. I bet there are young adults half my age that can't even imagine filling out a paper application with a pen. Many schools don't even teach them how to sign their own names anymore.
And because I've already gotten my income tax return and have a little nest egg from that we don't qualify for any public assistance. And my Bishop made it clear we're on our own until we're broke and homeless. Ain't that a bitch? Make us wait until we have nothing but the clothes on our backs before anyone will help.
And whose going to hire me after being fired? And I've been homeless before when both of my children are little, and it totally sucks. Luckily, they're both special needs so they believed me when I told them we were on vacation. And trying to make my daughter with Asberger's Syndrome understand is impossible. She just doesn't get it. She thinks I'm going to pull a magic wand out of my backside and crap out a miracle.
I was once told by woman I really respect and love that with all the trials God is trusting me to cope with, I am going to end up with a super-dee-duper ginormous mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I say, I don't need a ginormous gargantuan mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I'll happily settle for a McMansion in the Celestial Kingdom for an easier life here and now. I'm so tired of this happening to me. It's always one crisis after another where I find myself losing everything I own and starting over with nothing. And most of what I have isn't of any significant value, except that took me several years after I moved here to Utah to acquire what little we have. We just finally got our mattresses off the floor a couple of months ago and in a couple of months we won't have beds again. There either is no God or he hates me.

Job Hunting

I hate this part. I hate job hunting and looking for a job. Getting the Resume up to date and in order isn't that big of a deal. But you also need to make sure your references are in order which for me also means contacting people I haven't talked to in a while because I've been busy surviving. And I'm not one of those Misery Loves Company type of people. The more miserable I am, the more withdrawn I become. Not that I've ever been a social butterfly.
Job hunting just makes me feel like I'm begging. Oh, please, sir, give me a job. The fact that I am honest and hard working doesn't seem to matter. The last time I lost a job, I was laid off and it took me 2 years to find that stinking job at Convergys that I hated, but still did my best at it and got fired after nearly 3 years of being a dedicated employee. Hard work and dedication don't seem to mean squat if you're not part of the right clique and can't make quota because you're honest and you tell customers what they need to know.
I don't know what the purpose of being honest and hard working is. It's certainly not appreciated. The rewards go to all the people who are good at Baffling People with Bullshit. I wonder if that works with God. Maybe after I'm dead I'll finally get that pat on the back I've been waiting for my whole life.

Fired

03/03/14, I turned 25 again for the 19th time. 03/07/14, I was fired for the first time in my life. I admit, I wasn't loving the job. I was there nearly three years and I can tell you from experience, working in a call center is not a dream job. But it paid the bills, was keeping us fed and was keeping us from being homeless. March's rent is paid for, but my lease isn't up until May and I don't know how April and May's rent is getting paid. Don't know where we're going to live after that either.
Getting fired sucks! Especially when you didn't do anything wrong. I don't have bad attendance and I don't have any drug nor alcohol issues. I used to smoke cigarettes, but I quit years ago.
Basically, I'm fired for not making quota. They track every second of your work day and that is literally down to the second. You're micro managed to the point it's insane. Every call is recorded and I think they should be, but not just anybody can pull up a previous agent's call and listen to it. So you're totally dependent upon the notes to know what was offered or not offered and you have less than twenty seconds to get those notes on the account once the call ends if you didn't get them on the account while you were on the phone with the customer. If it takes you longer than twenty seconds, you're in After Call Work and that's bad.
So I was a customer retention agent. When I originally moved to being a customer retentions agent, I was told there would be no selling and that there would be all kinds of offers available for me to use to save customer's accounts with. Except that turned out not to be true. Added to the already over complicated job of customer retention was Bundling and I wasn't selling enough bundles nor was I saving enough accounts because the price of DTV went up again 02/06/14 and even long-term customer accounts in excellent status suddenly weren't having decent offers available to offer to customers. When you've been a loyal customer for 10 or more years and there's only a $5off for 3 months or a $5off for 6 months available, that's insulting.
Folks, please be patient with those agents when you call in for assistance or you're looking for discounts. Those accounts are complicated, much more complicated than the bill you look at every month. And an agent cannot give you a discount that doesn't exist on the account. So if it's not in add/change services for them to offer, they can't offer it and they do NOT have the ability to create it for you. You are simply SOL, as am I.
It's 4:40 am and I would normally be getting ready for work at this time. But I am up and wide awake with a tension headache. I took a pill to get to sleep last night. Normally that little pill knocks me out within 15 minutes, but I was still awake for more than an hour after I took it. Then I still only slept for a couple of hours after I finally fell to sleep.
Like the Team Lead told me that fired me, sucks to be me.