God Hates Me

I have come to the conclusion that if there is a God, he hates me. And if he exist, he is most definitely a man. No woman, no mother, in her right mind would sit back and just watch her child drown like I am. I shouldn't be freaking out because I had to buy groceries, but I am. I have to watch every little penny because I have no income coming in. I found myself sitting in my Exploder crying because I spent $100 on groceries. No one should be crying over buying groceries. And the likelihood I'll be approved for unemployment is between slim and none because I was fired.
Then after I got back home my laptop decided to go crazy. I can't spend money on repairing or fixing this thing. And I need the damn thing for job hunting. I miss the good old days where you went in introduced yourself and filled out a paper application. I bet there are young adults half my age that can't even imagine filling out a paper application with a pen. Many schools don't even teach them how to sign their own names anymore.
And because I've already gotten my income tax return and have a little nest egg from that we don't qualify for any public assistance. And my Bishop made it clear we're on our own until we're broke and homeless. Ain't that a bitch? Make us wait until we have nothing but the clothes on our backs before anyone will help.
And whose going to hire me after being fired? And I've been homeless before when both of my children are little, and it totally sucks. Luckily, they're both special needs so they believed me when I told them we were on vacation. And trying to make my daughter with Asberger's Syndrome understand is impossible. She just doesn't get it. She thinks I'm going to pull a magic wand out of my backside and crap out a miracle.
I was once told by woman I really respect and love that with all the trials God is trusting me to cope with, I am going to end up with a super-dee-duper ginormous mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I say, I don't need a ginormous gargantuan mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I'll happily settle for a McMansion in the Celestial Kingdom for an easier life here and now. I'm so tired of this happening to me. It's always one crisis after another where I find myself losing everything I own and starting over with nothing. And most of what I have isn't of any significant value, except that took me several years after I moved here to Utah to acquire what little we have. We just finally got our mattresses off the floor a couple of months ago and in a couple of months we won't have beds again. There either is no God or he hates me.