My baby girl came home with her High School Diploma yesterday, and I am so very well pleased with her. It took her a little longer than normal and she did it through a special education program available here in Utah, but she did it. We should be going out to do something special to celebrate, but I am still job hunting. There are no extra funds for me to take her to a movie or out to dinner or anything. I have no way to mark this special occasion with her other than tell her how happy it makes me that she finally earned her diploma. Yet I am very sad that I can't do more for her than that.
I had a preliminary group interview with Harmons in Draper the other day, and I hope it leads to an actual job. And I continue to apply for just about everything under the sun. The only thing I won't apply for or consider right now is another call center. I don't need to be chewed up and spit out like that again.
Now I just need to convince Cherokee to go to college. She's afraid she can't do it. I know she can. It might take her fifteen to twenty years to earn a Bachelors degree, but she can do it. Right now she just keeps saying she doesn't know what she wants to do. I keep telling her that doesn't matter, she can just do general studies part-time until she decides what she wants to do.
She certainly doesn't have what it takes to just get out there and get a job. And getting out there and getting a job is devastatingly difficult. People keep thinking because I have a degree that I can get a job just about anywhere and that's not true. I get turned down most of the time because I'm over qualified. Getting rejected over and over and over again starts to make you crazy, chips away at your self-esteem a piece at a time and leaves you feeling worthless.
And I'm feeling especially worthless today because I can't do anything special with or for my girl for earning her Diploma.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Evicted
Got what basically equals an eviction notice yesterday. My lease is up at the end of the month and they know I'm currently unemployed. And even though I haven't missed paying my monthly rent, I've not even ever been late on paying it, we are no longer welcome here at Orchard Cove Apartments.
The little printed out notice left on my door basically told me if I'm not out by the end of the month, that my next month's rent if I'm still here will be an additional $75. I'm barely making our current monthly rent and if I'm not out by the end of the month, I need to find an extra $75. Maybe I'll magically fart it out.
As if I'm not stressed out and depressed enough because job hunting is not going well along with everything else we've been going through the last couple of months with Convergys trying to deny me unemployment while I'm job hunting, and apartment hunting's not going well because I can't find something affordable that's also livable, someone else had to find a new way to shit on us.
The little printed out notice left on my door basically told me if I'm not out by the end of the month, that my next month's rent if I'm still here will be an additional $75. I'm barely making our current monthly rent and if I'm not out by the end of the month, I need to find an extra $75. Maybe I'll magically fart it out.
As if I'm not stressed out and depressed enough because job hunting is not going well along with everything else we've been going through the last couple of months with Convergys trying to deny me unemployment while I'm job hunting, and apartment hunting's not going well because I can't find something affordable that's also livable, someone else had to find a new way to shit on us.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Insomnia & Depression
Insomnia and depression are not a lovely combination. When I sleep, I'm not sleeping well. My brain won't turn off. I keep going over and over in my head what's wrong with me and what can I try to do better.
I couldn't even just relax on mother's day. Cherokee gave me this little plaque/award thing for being a great mom thanking me for all I do and all I will do. But it just made me sad because I feel like I'm failing her.
For unemployment purposes, I'm required to apply to at least 4 different places a week. I've been applying to 6. And all I'm getting is rejection after rejection after rejection. Most don't bother to even respond to my application. Others send me a little e-mail saying the position is either closed, filled or I'm just not what they're looking for. It's simply rejection after rejection after rejection.
How is a person supposed to keep their head up when the world does nothing but reject them?
So I find myself sitting here at 5am, running through my head where I should apply next. I suppose I could take a pill. That will at least put me to sleep for a couple of hours, but I hate to medicate myself to sleep.
Maybe I should try shortening my resume some how. Maybe a page and a half long resume is too long. Maybe I'm filling out the applications too perfectly. Maybe I should try deliberately misspelling a few things. Maybe I should try to applying to 8 places a week instead of 6. Am I coming across too confident? Am I not coming across confident enough? I don't know.
I couldn't even just relax on mother's day. Cherokee gave me this little plaque/award thing for being a great mom thanking me for all I do and all I will do. But it just made me sad because I feel like I'm failing her.
For unemployment purposes, I'm required to apply to at least 4 different places a week. I've been applying to 6. And all I'm getting is rejection after rejection after rejection. Most don't bother to even respond to my application. Others send me a little e-mail saying the position is either closed, filled or I'm just not what they're looking for. It's simply rejection after rejection after rejection.
How is a person supposed to keep their head up when the world does nothing but reject them?
So I find myself sitting here at 5am, running through my head where I should apply next. I suppose I could take a pill. That will at least put me to sleep for a couple of hours, but I hate to medicate myself to sleep.
Maybe I should try shortening my resume some how. Maybe a page and a half long resume is too long. Maybe I'm filling out the applications too perfectly. Maybe I should try deliberately misspelling a few things. Maybe I should try to applying to 8 places a week instead of 6. Am I coming across too confident? Am I not coming across confident enough? I don't know.
Monday, May 5, 2014
That Didn't Take Long
I had my interview on Thursday for a job I really wanted and I know I would be good at because I enjoy jobs where I get to help people and make a difference. But my denial letter was in the mail today, Monday. I think for me to have gotten it so soon, they must have mailed it immediately after my interview. It doesn't even say why they didn't chose me. Just that they chose someone else.
I'm absolutely heart broken. I tried not to get my hopes up. I tried not to feel like I had a chance because I know my luck. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
I also got a letter from unemployment confirming Convergys's failure to confirm the hearing and that they have 10 business days to appeal again before the judge's decision becomes final. So now I'm just waiting to see what else will go wrong as I continue to beg for a job and watch my savings trickle away.
So any other suggestions on what to do next would be appreciated. It just can't be for any type of a call center. I can't do that again. I don't know how I stuck out nearly three years at Convergys. Silly me, I thought I might be able to have a career there.
I don't wanna cry any more. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of hating myself and my life. It's not fair. I try so damn hard and I can't seem to get a head in any way shape or form. I'm always having my legs swept from underneath me and my heart ripped out. It's times like this when I wonder why I keep trying. It doesn't ever seem to do me any good. God is simply not a Renetta fan.
And since I can't find anything good to say right now, I'm going to try to destress with some writing and drawing.
I'm absolutely heart broken. I tried not to get my hopes up. I tried not to feel like I had a chance because I know my luck. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
I also got a letter from unemployment confirming Convergys's failure to confirm the hearing and that they have 10 business days to appeal again before the judge's decision becomes final. So now I'm just waiting to see what else will go wrong as I continue to beg for a job and watch my savings trickle away.
So any other suggestions on what to do next would be appreciated. It just can't be for any type of a call center. I can't do that again. I don't know how I stuck out nearly three years at Convergys. Silly me, I thought I might be able to have a career there.
I don't wanna cry any more. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of hating myself and my life. It's not fair. I try so damn hard and I can't seem to get a head in any way shape or form. I'm always having my legs swept from underneath me and my heart ripped out. It's times like this when I wonder why I keep trying. It doesn't ever seem to do me any good. God is simply not a Renetta fan.
And since I can't find anything good to say right now, I'm going to try to destress with some writing and drawing.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Bewildered & Relieved
Holy Cow! I find myself sitting in my apartment, bewildered and relieved. My hearing for Convergys's contestation for receiving unemployment was scheduled for 8am Monday morning and I was all ready for battle. I had my war paint on and had lawyered-up. I don't have much, but I wasn't just going to lay down and let them walk all over me. I've already spent the last several months being tortured by my Team Lead. I swear the man was trying to get me to quit because he didn't have a good reason to fire me.
So I had a pow-wow with my attorney as scheduled and went over what would happen Monday morning. The most wonderful affidavid was submitted by one of my former Team Leads where he compared working at Convergys to being in prison and explained some of the unrealistic expectations that are placed upon employees there. Yet he explained that I always did my best to try to meet all of the expectations for doing my job, and I did. Thank you, BJ.
I was ready to describe how on the day I was discharged I had been summoned to the CRG lounge and found myself walking into a room full of male Team Leads. They were talking and laughing about something, and went silent the moment I stepped into the room. I was so frightened, I almost turned around and walked back out. They all stepped out of the room except for my Team Lead, but they didn't go back to their desks. They stayed outside the door of the CRG lounge and I could hear them snickering and laughing. It was very disconcerting. Something hinkey was going on and I was very uncomfortable. Only one extra Team Lead was needed to walk me out because my Team Lead had recently had surgery on his foot and couldn't do it himself. Six extra men were not necessary.
My TL asked me if I knew what was going on and I replied that I was being fired. It had become an inevitable fact that I was going to be fired shortly after I was assigned my new TL. He began threatening to fire me my second coaching with him. He threatened to fire me pretty darn close to at least once a week. I couldn't do a thing right in the man's eyes. About every other week, he would pull me into a coaching where he would rip me apart and I would return to my seat in tears. It became a regular thing to see crying on the call floor. And I think he was deliberately miscoaching me by telling me not to worry about getting the customers' accounts noted properly, and don't worry about filling out the call tracker. When I told him something was wrong with my systems, that I couldn't walk through the door and when I clicked the guidelines I was receiving ACE guidelines instead of CRG guidelines, he told me to stop making excuses. How am I supposed to have a proper save rate when I'm not getting CRG offers for the customers, just ACE offers?
I was so ready to share all this and more with the judge. I came home from my meeting with my attorney and I was trying to relax which is very hard to do when you're scrambling to find a new job and keep yourself and your daughter from becoming homeless. Then a couple of hours later, I got a call from my attorney. Convergys had failed to call in to the appeals unit for unemployment and confirm their participation in the hearing Monday morning. Which means I win by default. I get to keep my unemployment until I either find a new job or it runs out. Let's hope I get the job I interviewed for yesterday. I think it would be a perfect fit for me.
So I find myself relieved, bewildered and a little confuse. I don't know for sure what was going on with all those TLs outside the CRG lounge snickering and laughing as I was being terminated. My guess is that they had a bet going with my TL that I would fall apart in some way when I was discharged. I think they were waiting for me to cry and beg for my job, but I didn't. I wanted to stomp on the foot he had just had surgery on, but I didn't. I wanted to punch him in the balls, but I didn't.
I don't really remember much accept that there was no real discussion about why I was being fired. I did remind him that I had just sold a bundle the previous week and my stats were improving, but he said it was too little too late. I signed the paper. There was a place for a comment and I wrote something about doing my best and that if my best wasn't good enough, then that was Convergys's loss. I remember him staring at me expectantly. He was waiting for something, but I don't know what he was waiting for. I was uncomfortable. I had just been fired for the first time in my life. I didn't know what he wanted.
I just knew one thing, he was not going to make me cry in front of all those yeahoos outside the lounge laughing at me. I think since anything I wanted to do would get me arrested for assault, I gave him some sort of compliment. I honestly have no idea what came out of my mouth accept that whatever it was wasn't something a sane person would say. I'm sure it expressed my temporary insanity whatever it was. I do remember him saying he would call me, but I wasn't dumb enough to believe that. I trust that man about as far as I can throw him.
My attorney said Convergys could still come back and re-institute the appeal against me getting unemployment, but that they better have a very good excuse as to why they didn't call and confirm their participation and let him know right away if they give me anymore trouble. Here's hoping that at least this much is all over and I can just focus on finding a new job and taking care of us.
Keep us in your prayers and many blessing your way for doing so.
So I had a pow-wow with my attorney as scheduled and went over what would happen Monday morning. The most wonderful affidavid was submitted by one of my former Team Leads where he compared working at Convergys to being in prison and explained some of the unrealistic expectations that are placed upon employees there. Yet he explained that I always did my best to try to meet all of the expectations for doing my job, and I did. Thank you, BJ.
I was ready to describe how on the day I was discharged I had been summoned to the CRG lounge and found myself walking into a room full of male Team Leads. They were talking and laughing about something, and went silent the moment I stepped into the room. I was so frightened, I almost turned around and walked back out. They all stepped out of the room except for my Team Lead, but they didn't go back to their desks. They stayed outside the door of the CRG lounge and I could hear them snickering and laughing. It was very disconcerting. Something hinkey was going on and I was very uncomfortable. Only one extra Team Lead was needed to walk me out because my Team Lead had recently had surgery on his foot and couldn't do it himself. Six extra men were not necessary.
My TL asked me if I knew what was going on and I replied that I was being fired. It had become an inevitable fact that I was going to be fired shortly after I was assigned my new TL. He began threatening to fire me my second coaching with him. He threatened to fire me pretty darn close to at least once a week. I couldn't do a thing right in the man's eyes. About every other week, he would pull me into a coaching where he would rip me apart and I would return to my seat in tears. It became a regular thing to see crying on the call floor. And I think he was deliberately miscoaching me by telling me not to worry about getting the customers' accounts noted properly, and don't worry about filling out the call tracker. When I told him something was wrong with my systems, that I couldn't walk through the door and when I clicked the guidelines I was receiving ACE guidelines instead of CRG guidelines, he told me to stop making excuses. How am I supposed to have a proper save rate when I'm not getting CRG offers for the customers, just ACE offers?
I was so ready to share all this and more with the judge. I came home from my meeting with my attorney and I was trying to relax which is very hard to do when you're scrambling to find a new job and keep yourself and your daughter from becoming homeless. Then a couple of hours later, I got a call from my attorney. Convergys had failed to call in to the appeals unit for unemployment and confirm their participation in the hearing Monday morning. Which means I win by default. I get to keep my unemployment until I either find a new job or it runs out. Let's hope I get the job I interviewed for yesterday. I think it would be a perfect fit for me.
So I find myself relieved, bewildered and a little confuse. I don't know for sure what was going on with all those TLs outside the CRG lounge snickering and laughing as I was being terminated. My guess is that they had a bet going with my TL that I would fall apart in some way when I was discharged. I think they were waiting for me to cry and beg for my job, but I didn't. I wanted to stomp on the foot he had just had surgery on, but I didn't. I wanted to punch him in the balls, but I didn't.
I don't really remember much accept that there was no real discussion about why I was being fired. I did remind him that I had just sold a bundle the previous week and my stats were improving, but he said it was too little too late. I signed the paper. There was a place for a comment and I wrote something about doing my best and that if my best wasn't good enough, then that was Convergys's loss. I remember him staring at me expectantly. He was waiting for something, but I don't know what he was waiting for. I was uncomfortable. I had just been fired for the first time in my life. I didn't know what he wanted.
I just knew one thing, he was not going to make me cry in front of all those yeahoos outside the lounge laughing at me. I think since anything I wanted to do would get me arrested for assault, I gave him some sort of compliment. I honestly have no idea what came out of my mouth accept that whatever it was wasn't something a sane person would say. I'm sure it expressed my temporary insanity whatever it was. I do remember him saying he would call me, but I wasn't dumb enough to believe that. I trust that man about as far as I can throw him.
My attorney said Convergys could still come back and re-institute the appeal against me getting unemployment, but that they better have a very good excuse as to why they didn't call and confirm their participation and let him know right away if they give me anymore trouble. Here's hoping that at least this much is all over and I can just focus on finding a new job and taking care of us.
Keep us in your prayers and many blessing your way for doing so.
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