Deep breath... Coming out of panic mode from losing my job. Going from: OMG! I was fired & I'll be homeless in 2 months! to: Calming down and able to make a plan phase. Going to: Alright, I lost my job. But I have a lot of skills, I'll find another job. I hated it there anyway and it's really their loss.
I think it helps that I got a letter from Utah Department of Workforce Services yesterday. It made me feel so much better. The first line of the paragraph reads: "Based upon information presented to this Department, it is determined that you were not at fault in your discharge from work." Bam!
That letter lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I should probably be showing it to an attorney. It doesn't get me my job back, and I don't want it back anyway. I was having a lot of problems with insomnia for a couple of years, but the past few nights I've been sleeping through the night. It's amazing.
Now I have an official letter from a government source that basically states I was wrongly fired and that I can take with me to job interviews. I just need to get someone to interview me. No one seems to want to grant an interview to someone that was fired. Got to figure out how to put a positive spin on it my resume.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
God Hates Me
I have come to the conclusion that if there is a God, he hates me. And if he exist, he is most definitely a man. No woman, no mother, in her right mind would sit back and just watch her child drown like I am. I shouldn't be freaking out because I had to buy groceries, but I am. I have to watch every little penny because I have no income coming in. I found myself sitting in my Exploder crying because I spent $100 on groceries. No one should be crying over buying groceries. And the likelihood I'll be approved for unemployment is between slim and none because I was fired.
Then after I got back home my laptop decided to go crazy. I can't spend money on repairing or fixing this thing. And I need the damn thing for job hunting. I miss the good old days where you went in introduced yourself and filled out a paper application. I bet there are young adults half my age that can't even imagine filling out a paper application with a pen. Many schools don't even teach them how to sign their own names anymore.
And because I've already gotten my income tax return and have a little nest egg from that we don't qualify for any public assistance. And my Bishop made it clear we're on our own until we're broke and homeless. Ain't that a bitch? Make us wait until we have nothing but the clothes on our backs before anyone will help.
And whose going to hire me after being fired? And I've been homeless before when both of my children are little, and it totally sucks. Luckily, they're both special needs so they believed me when I told them we were on vacation. And trying to make my daughter with Asberger's Syndrome understand is impossible. She just doesn't get it. She thinks I'm going to pull a magic wand out of my backside and crap out a miracle.
I was once told by woman I really respect and love that with all the trials God is trusting me to cope with, I am going to end up with a super-dee-duper ginormous mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I say, I don't need a ginormous gargantuan mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I'll happily settle for a McMansion in the Celestial Kingdom for an easier life here and now. I'm so tired of this happening to me. It's always one crisis after another where I find myself losing everything I own and starting over with nothing. And most of what I have isn't of any significant value, except that took me several years after I moved here to Utah to acquire what little we have. We just finally got our mattresses off the floor a couple of months ago and in a couple of months we won't have beds again. There either is no God or he hates me.
Then after I got back home my laptop decided to go crazy. I can't spend money on repairing or fixing this thing. And I need the damn thing for job hunting. I miss the good old days where you went in introduced yourself and filled out a paper application. I bet there are young adults half my age that can't even imagine filling out a paper application with a pen. Many schools don't even teach them how to sign their own names anymore.
And because I've already gotten my income tax return and have a little nest egg from that we don't qualify for any public assistance. And my Bishop made it clear we're on our own until we're broke and homeless. Ain't that a bitch? Make us wait until we have nothing but the clothes on our backs before anyone will help.
And whose going to hire me after being fired? And I've been homeless before when both of my children are little, and it totally sucks. Luckily, they're both special needs so they believed me when I told them we were on vacation. And trying to make my daughter with Asberger's Syndrome understand is impossible. She just doesn't get it. She thinks I'm going to pull a magic wand out of my backside and crap out a miracle.
I was once told by woman I really respect and love that with all the trials God is trusting me to cope with, I am going to end up with a super-dee-duper ginormous mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I say, I don't need a ginormous gargantuan mansion in the Celestial Kingdom. I'll happily settle for a McMansion in the Celestial Kingdom for an easier life here and now. I'm so tired of this happening to me. It's always one crisis after another where I find myself losing everything I own and starting over with nothing. And most of what I have isn't of any significant value, except that took me several years after I moved here to Utah to acquire what little we have. We just finally got our mattresses off the floor a couple of months ago and in a couple of months we won't have beds again. There either is no God or he hates me.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Job Hunting
I hate this part. I hate job hunting and looking for a job. Getting the Resume up to date and in order isn't that big of a deal. But you also need to make sure your references are in order which for me also means contacting people I haven't talked to in a while because I've been busy surviving. And I'm not one of those Misery Loves Company type of people. The more miserable I am, the more withdrawn I become. Not that I've ever been a social butterfly.
Job hunting just makes me feel like I'm begging. Oh, please, sir, give me a job. The fact that I am honest and hard working doesn't seem to matter. The last time I lost a job, I was laid off and it took me 2 years to find that stinking job at Convergys that I hated, but still did my best at it and got fired after nearly 3 years of being a dedicated employee. Hard work and dedication don't seem to mean squat if you're not part of the right clique and can't make quota because you're honest and you tell customers what they need to know.
I don't know what the purpose of being honest and hard working is. It's certainly not appreciated. The rewards go to all the people who are good at Baffling People with Bullshit. I wonder if that works with God. Maybe after I'm dead I'll finally get that pat on the back I've been waiting for my whole life.
Job hunting just makes me feel like I'm begging. Oh, please, sir, give me a job. The fact that I am honest and hard working doesn't seem to matter. The last time I lost a job, I was laid off and it took me 2 years to find that stinking job at Convergys that I hated, but still did my best at it and got fired after nearly 3 years of being a dedicated employee. Hard work and dedication don't seem to mean squat if you're not part of the right clique and can't make quota because you're honest and you tell customers what they need to know.
I don't know what the purpose of being honest and hard working is. It's certainly not appreciated. The rewards go to all the people who are good at Baffling People with Bullshit. I wonder if that works with God. Maybe after I'm dead I'll finally get that pat on the back I've been waiting for my whole life.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Fired
03/03/14, I turned 25 again for the 19th time. 03/07/14, I was fired for the first time in my life. I admit, I wasn't loving the job. I was there nearly three years and I can tell you from experience, working in a call center is not a dream job. But it paid the bills, was keeping us fed and was keeping us from being homeless. March's rent is paid for, but my lease isn't up until May and I don't know how April and May's rent is getting paid. Don't know where we're going to live after that either.
Getting fired sucks! Especially when you didn't do anything wrong. I don't have bad attendance and I don't have any drug nor alcohol issues. I used to smoke cigarettes, but I quit years ago.
Basically, I'm fired for not making quota. They track every second of your work day and that is literally down to the second. You're micro managed to the point it's insane. Every call is recorded and I think they should be, but not just anybody can pull up a previous agent's call and listen to it. So you're totally dependent upon the notes to know what was offered or not offered and you have less than twenty seconds to get those notes on the account once the call ends if you didn't get them on the account while you were on the phone with the customer. If it takes you longer than twenty seconds, you're in After Call Work and that's bad.
So I was a customer retention agent. When I originally moved to being a customer retentions agent, I was told there would be no selling and that there would be all kinds of offers available for me to use to save customer's accounts with. Except that turned out not to be true. Added to the already over complicated job of customer retention was Bundling and I wasn't selling enough bundles nor was I saving enough accounts because the price of DTV went up again 02/06/14 and even long-term customer accounts in excellent status suddenly weren't having decent offers available to offer to customers. When you've been a loyal customer for 10 or more years and there's only a $5off for 3 months or a $5off for 6 months available, that's insulting.
Folks, please be patient with those agents when you call in for assistance or you're looking for discounts. Those accounts are complicated, much more complicated than the bill you look at every month. And an agent cannot give you a discount that doesn't exist on the account. So if it's not in add/change services for them to offer, they can't offer it and they do NOT have the ability to create it for you. You are simply SOL, as am I.
It's 4:40 am and I would normally be getting ready for work at this time. But I am up and wide awake with a tension headache. I took a pill to get to sleep last night. Normally that little pill knocks me out within 15 minutes, but I was still awake for more than an hour after I took it. Then I still only slept for a couple of hours after I finally fell to sleep.
Like the Team Lead told me that fired me, sucks to be me.
Getting fired sucks! Especially when you didn't do anything wrong. I don't have bad attendance and I don't have any drug nor alcohol issues. I used to smoke cigarettes, but I quit years ago.
Basically, I'm fired for not making quota. They track every second of your work day and that is literally down to the second. You're micro managed to the point it's insane. Every call is recorded and I think they should be, but not just anybody can pull up a previous agent's call and listen to it. So you're totally dependent upon the notes to know what was offered or not offered and you have less than twenty seconds to get those notes on the account once the call ends if you didn't get them on the account while you were on the phone with the customer. If it takes you longer than twenty seconds, you're in After Call Work and that's bad.
So I was a customer retention agent. When I originally moved to being a customer retentions agent, I was told there would be no selling and that there would be all kinds of offers available for me to use to save customer's accounts with. Except that turned out not to be true. Added to the already over complicated job of customer retention was Bundling and I wasn't selling enough bundles nor was I saving enough accounts because the price of DTV went up again 02/06/14 and even long-term customer accounts in excellent status suddenly weren't having decent offers available to offer to customers. When you've been a loyal customer for 10 or more years and there's only a $5off for 3 months or a $5off for 6 months available, that's insulting.
Folks, please be patient with those agents when you call in for assistance or you're looking for discounts. Those accounts are complicated, much more complicated than the bill you look at every month. And an agent cannot give you a discount that doesn't exist on the account. So if it's not in add/change services for them to offer, they can't offer it and they do NOT have the ability to create it for you. You are simply SOL, as am I.
It's 4:40 am and I would normally be getting ready for work at this time. But I am up and wide awake with a tension headache. I took a pill to get to sleep last night. Normally that little pill knocks me out within 15 minutes, but I was still awake for more than an hour after I took it. Then I still only slept for a couple of hours after I finally fell to sleep.
Like the Team Lead told me that fired me, sucks to be me.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
We Live in a Sad Pathetic World
I'm not a holiday person. I don't go all out and do a lot of decorating or a lot of cooking. But I had been looking forward to this particular 4th of July. Didn't have any spectacular plans except to spend it with my daughter, Cherokee. I promised to take her to see Despicable Me 2. I told her to find a mantinee because those are cheaper than the evening showings. Of course she found the earliest showing there was and woke me up at 8:15am when I was planning on sleeping in a little later.
Now, my daughter's not a little girl anymore. She's a twenty year old woman with Asberger's Syndrome which is a form of Autism. Hence it's my own fault for not being very clear with her that I meant early afternoon and not first thing in the morning. But no problem, I got up and found the energy to drag myself out of our apartment to see the movie. We just grabbed McDonald's for breakfast on the way.
I'm a big Despicable Me fan so I think I was looking forward to the movie more than my daughter. We talked a little during the previews and commercials in normal tones because they were just previews and commercials. And the second the movie started we got quiet except for laughing at the funny parts. I'm sure people that people who make movies are hoping to elicit reactions from people; laughing when it's funny, crying when it's heart breaking, etc. And there was a part where a car drove off a pier and after submerging turned into a submarine. Cherokee and I said to each other in a relatively hushed, "I want a car like that." Not long after that an attendant came and told us we were being too loud.
I was shocked. Too loud? We were barely speaking to each other because we were watching the movie. And when we did speak, except for laughing out loud, it was a whisper. Well, that ruined it. I couldn't enjoy the movie after that. I was afraid to even laugh when something funny happened.
I was so upset.
You want to know what the problem really was. We weren't being loud. That father that was there with his wife and kids thought we were lesbians and was afraid that every time we leaned close to whisper to each other we were going to make out in front of his children. So he tried to get us thrown out of the movie. What a sick perv! To assume we were a lesbians and that we were going to make out in front of his kids.
Regardless of sexual orientation, anyone should be able to go to a movie and not get harassed for it. Next, if I was going to a movie with my honey and I was hoping for some tongue action, I wouldn't be at a cartoon.
We still did a few of the other things we planned to do today for the 4th of July. I made us hamburgers and bought us a water melon. I picked a good one too. Thumping and sniffing don't work, or at least they don't work for me. You've got to check the stem. If the stem is completely dried up brown and crusty, you've found a ripe melon. If it's still got some green to it, not ripe yet.
We planned to go to the fireworks that will be just a few blocks from our apartment, but I can't do it. I don't want to be near any people. I'm afraid some jackass will come up, accuse me and my daughter of being lesbians and I'll go to jail for kicking his ass.
It's a sad pathetic world we live in when you can't just go to a movie with your own child and enjoy it.
Now, my daughter's not a little girl anymore. She's a twenty year old woman with Asberger's Syndrome which is a form of Autism. Hence it's my own fault for not being very clear with her that I meant early afternoon and not first thing in the morning. But no problem, I got up and found the energy to drag myself out of our apartment to see the movie. We just grabbed McDonald's for breakfast on the way.
I'm a big Despicable Me fan so I think I was looking forward to the movie more than my daughter. We talked a little during the previews and commercials in normal tones because they were just previews and commercials. And the second the movie started we got quiet except for laughing at the funny parts. I'm sure people that people who make movies are hoping to elicit reactions from people; laughing when it's funny, crying when it's heart breaking, etc. And there was a part where a car drove off a pier and after submerging turned into a submarine. Cherokee and I said to each other in a relatively hushed, "I want a car like that." Not long after that an attendant came and told us we were being too loud.
I was shocked. Too loud? We were barely speaking to each other because we were watching the movie. And when we did speak, except for laughing out loud, it was a whisper. Well, that ruined it. I couldn't enjoy the movie after that. I was afraid to even laugh when something funny happened.
I was so upset.
You want to know what the problem really was. We weren't being loud. That father that was there with his wife and kids thought we were lesbians and was afraid that every time we leaned close to whisper to each other we were going to make out in front of his children. So he tried to get us thrown out of the movie. What a sick perv! To assume we were a lesbians and that we were going to make out in front of his kids.
Regardless of sexual orientation, anyone should be able to go to a movie and not get harassed for it. Next, if I was going to a movie with my honey and I was hoping for some tongue action, I wouldn't be at a cartoon.
We still did a few of the other things we planned to do today for the 4th of July. I made us hamburgers and bought us a water melon. I picked a good one too. Thumping and sniffing don't work, or at least they don't work for me. You've got to check the stem. If the stem is completely dried up brown and crusty, you've found a ripe melon. If it's still got some green to it, not ripe yet.
We planned to go to the fireworks that will be just a few blocks from our apartment, but I can't do it. I don't want to be near any people. I'm afraid some jackass will come up, accuse me and my daughter of being lesbians and I'll go to jail for kicking his ass.
It's a sad pathetic world we live in when you can't just go to a movie with your own child and enjoy it.
Monday, February 25, 2013
No Pants
Dreams are the strangest things. And sometimes you have one that just leaves you thinking: What was that about? Where did that come from? And that's exactly what my dream last night left me thinking.
I found myself back in my mother's home in my old room. I was going back to college to get my masters and I had a math class to get to.
Now mind you, 2003 was the last time I even stepped foot back in Ohio and it's been much longer than that since I stepped foot in my mother's house. We're not close.
Yet there I was trying to get ready for my math class and my mother announces that she's getting married. Well I of course asked to who because I didn't know she was seeing anyone. She says Dale who is a friend of mine from here in Utah that she has never met and that isn't her type in any way shape or form because he's a white guy and my mother has always dated men of color.
Except I have my math class to get to. I couldn't make to her wedding and my math class at the same time. So I apologized because I couldn't ditch my class and I was going to miss her wedding. But she was fine, she understood.
There was just one problem. I couldn't leave the house because my pants and underwear kept disappearing leaving me in nothing but a large over sized sweat shirt. I would put them on, start to leave and poof, they were gone.
Now I wasn't embarrassed to suddenly find myself naked from the waste down, just mad. I couldn't leave the house because my pants and underwear kept disappearing after I put them on leaving me in nothing but that huge over-sized sweat shirt. It was really frustrating.
I found myself back in my mother's home in my old room. I was going back to college to get my masters and I had a math class to get to.
Now mind you, 2003 was the last time I even stepped foot back in Ohio and it's been much longer than that since I stepped foot in my mother's house. We're not close.
Yet there I was trying to get ready for my math class and my mother announces that she's getting married. Well I of course asked to who because I didn't know she was seeing anyone. She says Dale who is a friend of mine from here in Utah that she has never met and that isn't her type in any way shape or form because he's a white guy and my mother has always dated men of color.
Except I have my math class to get to. I couldn't make to her wedding and my math class at the same time. So I apologized because I couldn't ditch my class and I was going to miss her wedding. But she was fine, she understood.
There was just one problem. I couldn't leave the house because my pants and underwear kept disappearing leaving me in nothing but a large over sized sweat shirt. I would put them on, start to leave and poof, they were gone.
Now I wasn't embarrassed to suddenly find myself naked from the waste down, just mad. I couldn't leave the house because my pants and underwear kept disappearing after I put them on leaving me in nothing but that huge over-sized sweat shirt. It was really frustrating.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Baba Yaga and Vasilisa
Vasilisa: Despite being mistreated by her step-family for many years; Vasilisa has remained kind, gentle and loving. She is a hard worker and very brave with a true heart filled with love for all things.
Baba Yaga: An ugly, nasty, evil, ancient as the oldest mountains witch. Her heart is as black as her eyes, and she has sharp pointy teeth. She is completely devoid of love and compassion. No humanity exist with her except when she eats one.
Baba Yaga called, "Hey girl! Ain't you got nothing to say. I've been alone in these woods for centuries. And now that I got company, I expect some conversation. At least until I get bored with you and eat you.
Vasilisa responded honestly, "You can't eat me. I'm too full of love. And please take a step back for a moment with that stink breath. Honey, when was the last time you brushed your teeth. They look as nasty as your breath smells. Here... have Tic-Tac."
Well no one had ever give Baba Yaga anything before. She accepted the Tic-Tac and Vasilisa's friendships. And she never at another person ever again. Tic-Tac's tasted much better than people.
Baba Yaga: An ugly, nasty, evil, ancient as the oldest mountains witch. Her heart is as black as her eyes, and she has sharp pointy teeth. She is completely devoid of love and compassion. No humanity exist with her except when she eats one.
Baba Yaga called, "Hey girl! Ain't you got nothing to say. I've been alone in these woods for centuries. And now that I got company, I expect some conversation. At least until I get bored with you and eat you.
Vasilisa responded honestly, "You can't eat me. I'm too full of love. And please take a step back for a moment with that stink breath. Honey, when was the last time you brushed your teeth. They look as nasty as your breath smells. Here... have Tic-Tac."
Well no one had ever give Baba Yaga anything before. She accepted the Tic-Tac and Vasilisa's friendships. And she never at another person ever again. Tic-Tac's tasted much better than people.
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